Revise the Response to Literature

Original             Imagine seeing a young man driving like he was immortal. You may think he is just having fun. Imagine also a young man looking for a place to stay. He has a new job, and anything seems possible. You wouldn’t think either man could be murdered. A mystery writer explaining details about a character could completely twist your first thought to an unpleasant thought.             Anthony Marston and Billy Weaver died at a young age. Billy was seventeen years old and looking for a bed and breakfast. As he looked for a place to stay, Billy “walked briskly” on page 73. Anthony Marston was in his twenties. Described as a wild driver who loved parties. “In the blaze of the evening light he looked not a man but a young God…” on page 14.

Revised Topic Paragraphs: Connect to Thesis Imagine seeing a young man driving like he was immortal. You may think he is just having fun. Imagine also a young man looking for a place to stay. He has a new job, and anything seems possible. You wouldn’t think either man could be murdered. A mystery writer explaining details about a character could completely twist your first thought to an unpleasant thought.             Anthony Marston and Billy Weaver died at a young age, but you wouldn’t think this based on their appearance details. Billy was seventeen years old and looking for a bed and breakfast. As he looked for a place to stay, Billy “walked briskly” (Dahl 73). Anthony Marston was in his twenties. The author described him as a wild driver who loved parties. “In the blaze of the evening light he looked not a man but a young God…” (Christie 14). These examples show a pleasant beginning, but as you read it’s not so pleasant.