Revise the Expository

Original                 “With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood” (King 170). Martin Luther King, Jr. said these words to teach Americans about caring. A caring person helps people no matter their backgrounds or beliefs.                 A caring person values her relationships with friends and family. She shows caring by helping with chores or listening to someone feeling sad. With a positive attitude, she encourages everyone to be happy.                 In addition to relationships, a caring person values her education. She gives her best effort in school and stays focused on the future.                 Finally, a caring person makes goals. She measures her success by achieving her goals. If she wants to make Honor Roll, the caring person will study and complete all homework. She knows good grades will help her get into a good college. She also knows making her goals and becoming a successful person can help her help people.

Revised Topic Paragraphs: Connect to Thesis             “With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood” (King 170). Martin Luther King, Jr. said these words to teach Americans about caring. A caring person helps people no matter their backgrounds or beliefs.             A caring person values her relationships with friends and family. She shows caring by helping with chores or listening to someone feeling sad. With a positive attitude, she encourages everyone to be happy. A caring person will have many different friends with different religions. She will also make friends with people who may be from poverty or be bullied by others.             In addition to relationships, a caring person values her education. She gives her best effort in school and stays focused on the future. She wants a flexible education, learning different backgrounds and diverse subjects, like Spanish.             Finally, a caring person makes goals. She measures her success by achieving her goals. If she wants to make Honor Roll, the caring person will study and complete all homework. She knows good grades will help her get into a good college. She also knows making her goals and becoming a successful person can help her assist people no matter their backgrounds.